Posted by: Tricia | Sunday, December 28, 2008

I need a good comeback text message.

Just received on my phone from the IX:

“I just watched the stair sledding video. Why do you let [the IB] scream like that? It’s bad behavior and he needs to be taught not to act like that. I try to teach him when I have him but he goes right back to it.”

First of all, the IX SO did not write this. Had to be her.

How should I respond? Give me something good. Not snotty, but not defensive, either. Just something kinda smart with a hint of the painful truth in it. I think some sort of response is needed, but it has to be just right so as to not give him any ammo against me, but that still reminds him of how he is NOT Father of the Year and is in no place to be advising me on how to parent our kids.

Proceed…


Responses

  1. What the deuce?

    I honestly cannot think of anything that doesn’t sound petty or provide him with ammo to use against you at a later date.

    Erm, how was your Christmas?

  2. 1. What you saw was approximately 10 minutes of a 24 hour day. I’m sure you can’t judge what he does or how he acts all day based on what you saw on a video.

    2. Oh, so NOW you can recognize bad behavior. Thanks.

    3. Shut the hell up.

    Okay, the last two were just for fun.

  3. His or her actions warrant zero response. You don’t have to play.

  4. Dearest IX,

    If we had video of you fucking around with my then best friend, could we have also dubbed it “bad behavior?” Just wondering.

    Kisses. Happy New Year.

    Signed,

    The Better Parent.

    The end.

  5. I wouldn’t even acknowledge it. Complete radio silence.

  6. I know it’s tempting, but the best reply is NONE at all.

    I learned long ago that it bothers a person more to get NO response than any response you could muster up.
    TRUST ME. I’ve been on the other end, and when the person never responded, I felt like an idiot.
    And hey, your ex IS an idiot….so give him a chance to feel like the idiot he is.
    You’ll come out the winner (which you already are.) It will bother him (and HER) much more that you never responded.

    IF he asks you if you got it, just say Yes, and leave it at that.

  7. Totally agree with Lindy and CreoleinDC. My Ex has PAPD, passive aggressive personality disorder. He never responds to me and I’m only asking normal, civil questions and it is infuriating. Your Ex and/or his girlfriend are trying to control you and your household. Not responding takes the control away from them. If you respond, you are putting yourself on the defensive.

  8. Exactly, Deb! Very well said.

  9. Put him on the IGnore. ;)

  10. I wouldn’t advise ignoring the other parent when they’re talking about parenting stuff. Even when it’s sensitive stuff or when you disagree with them or when you think they’re a scumbag.

    > how he is NOT Father of the Year and is in no place to be advising me on how to parent our kids.

    It sounds like you’re saying that his past lousy choices invalidate his parental input. Is that your stance?

    I’m not about to defend the guy; he sounds like an absolute scumbag who’s trying to claim moral superiority. Disgusting.

    But the scumbag is *still* the father of your kids, and always will be. Being a scumbag doesn’t revoke parenting rights any more than being a slut, a thief, or a liar. (Not speaking about him, specifically, but just in general.) Lousy people can be parents and they still have parental rights until those rights are legally revoked.

    I really liked this one: What you saw was approximately 10 minutes of a 24 hour day. I’m sure you can’t judge what he does or how he acts all day based on what you saw on a video.

    I’d suggest: “He can be a real handful. It’s probably a lot easier for him to maintain his temper when it’s not the same old grind that he gets day in and day out with the custodial parent. I’ll keep working with him on his voice volume; please continue to feel free to share your parenting concerns and I’ll share mine as well. Coordinating our parenting is likely to be a lot more effective. Now eat shit & die.”

    You should redact the last line, but writing it might also feel really good even knowing that you’ll cut it out before sending. :)

  11. i need text to my mail


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