Posted by: Tricia | Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Text message update

Just a quick note to let everyone know I never did respond to the text. Janie, CreoleinDC, Lindy, and Deb were all right…no response is the most infuriating.

Although I love what some of you said! I even got one idea by email of just saying “fuck off” and leaving it at that. So tempting, but certainly wouldn’t help the ongoing situation any. I did, however, send him a text one time when he was being especially frustrating (it was early in our separation and right after I had filed for divorce) that said, “Why can’t you just eat shit and die?” I still chuckle over that one.

As for this most recent text, I came up with the idea all on my own of responding with: “Sorry…I ran out of duct tape that day.”

But, I just let it go. Another note about this, though…when I received the text, the RK asked me who it was from. I read it to him, and even he made the comment that it sounded like the homewrecker wrote it. A smart one, that kid is.

OK…I’m writing this at work, so I better sign off for now and do what I’m getting paid for! Have a fabulous day!


Responses

  1. Congratulations! I am proud of you. (Although I winced just a bit when I read that you shared the text with the RK….. you may want to rethink that one in the future…)

    Wanted to mention another thing….I asked my husband (an attorney) if he had any thoughts, and the first thing he said was “NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN WRITING”…..He thinks the IX is stupid for sending you any kind of text or e-mail, because you never know what could come back to haunt you.
    Free legal advice from my hubby: Let the IX be the only one putting things in writing. Never give him anything he can show a judge later on. However innocent or deserving it may seem, it can be ammunition….and you want him “unarmed” as much as possible.

    Good luck!

  2. Oooo…Lindy…great legal advice. Tell hubby thanks for me, OK? So it’s probably a pretty good thing I didn’t send the duct tape comment, huh?

    Just for the record, this particular text message was rather innocuous, so I went ahead and let the RK in on it. It actually opened up a dialog between the two of us as well…just sort of evaluating the way things are going in the household, and it gave the RK the opportunity to voice his opinion and share his thoughts. Sort of a family meeting.

    Anything nasty or hurtful does not get shared. I keep that stuff to myself.

    Perhaps I should give this a little more careful thought, anyway. Thanks for the input!

  3. > no response is the most infuriating.

    Sounds like you’re subscribing to the advice to stick it to the ex about parenting issues. That’s too bad, IMO. :( I don’t at all think that you should let him push you around, by any means! But seeking the best possible way to infuriate him about his poorly-chosen parenting request is … I guess “disappointing” is the most appropriate word.

    > when I received the text, the RK asked me who it was from. I read it to him, and even he made the comment that it sounded like the homewrecker wrote it. A smart one, that kid is.

    Yeah, they’re good at figuring out when their parents are bickering. I agree with Lindy – might wanna rethink recruiting the RK so nonchalantly into your personal/parental gripes with the IX.

    It’s great that good benefits came from sharing an inter-parental message with a kid. That doesn’t in any way make it a good parenting decision, though.

    > Anything nasty or hurtful does not get shared. I keep that stuff to myself.

    I’d like to call in an earlier comment you made:

    > A smart one, that kid is.

    If my mom had shared a message from my dad like the one you shared with RK, I’d’ve for sure been smart enough to sense the nasty & hurtful things she was thinking about it, as well as smart enough to sense the gloating she felt when I agreed with her about it even though she hadn’t mentioned anything.

    Kids really *are* that smart, and that conflicts with your assertions that you don’t feel hostility and you don’t share anything hurtful.

    I’m gettin’ the impression that my input is more and more easily rejected out of hand, which probably has a more negative sum impact than if I just didn’t say anything at all. Not many people are honestly interested in feedback that doesn’t include a lot of Yessing and “You’re so right”. I’m hoping that you’re still trying to listen rather than just refuting anything that seems critical. Are you?


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