Posted by: Tricia | Tuesday, May 22, 2007

He just beats everything…

I just found a text from my idiot almost-ex-husband.

Fyi. Out of town this weekend.

Oh really? Hmmm….where could he possibly be going? Let’s see…it’s Memorial Day weekend….perhaps Indianapolis? For the Indy 500? One of my favorite things that we did together for so many years? I managed to survive knowing it was Pole Qualifying this past weekend, which is when we’d usually go to Indy to enjoy 500 festivities. But he and I have been to three Indy 500’s together, the most recent being last year. With the RK. And my big ol’ round belly. Some of my fondest memories from my marriage are at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. And it absolutely irritates the hell outta me that our shared memories aren’t any more sacred to him like they are for me.

A little of the backstory… You see, he works for an engineering firm in the metro Detroit area that builds Indycar engines, among other things. He’s one of the hands-on guys that actually assembles the engines. This is what he’s been doing since I met him, way back in 1994. I didn’t give a flyin’ flip about auto racing until I met him. And I’ve grown to love the sport, and everything associated with it.

In 1996, after he and I had moved in together, the opportunity for him to take a job on an actual Indycar team came knocking. And I was the one that encouraged him to take the job, and assured him that I would be right there with him, by his side, supporting him all the way. As far as I’m concerned, that was when I married him. We only made it official a few months after having arrived in Indy, when I was six months pregnant. (Yes, I know…total white trash…nothing I can do about it now.) In fact, I was already pregnant when we moved, and we had no idea.

So the first two years of our marriage, he was traveling to every race. He usually wasn’t gone for very long at a time…usually just the weekends. But once or twice a year, when the races were extremely international (Gold Coast, Australia; Motegi, Japan, etc.), he’d be gone for more than two weeks sometimes. And he never once heard a complaint outta me. I got the biggest thrill out of being able to turn on the TV on Sunday afternoons, cheer on the drivers for the team that he worked for, and desperately try to spot him in the pit alley during pit stops. He hated that job, though, given that he’s not a very good air traveler. He always said that those two years on the race team took ten years off his life.

In Nov. 1998, he basically took a job doing the same exact thing he was doing back in Texas before joing the race team. In fact, just about everyone from there moved up here when the company they all worked for sort of restructured. So we were actually reunited with a bunch of our friends from home when we came here. And, the rest is history, as they say.

So anywho, I responded to his text. I held my tongue, though.
great. have fun at the race.

But I just couldn’t leave it at that. And here’s where I really held my tongue.

ya know, for saying that your kids are your #1 priority, you sure don’t act like it.

Over the past four weeks or so, IH has spent a minimal amount of time with his kids. He has been working his usual insanely long hours for the month of May, and I don’t fault him for that in the slightest. But it just seems to me that if his kids were as important to him as he proclaims they are, he’d rather spend some long-awaited quality time with them this weekend, now that his work schedule has settled down a bit.
And yes, it absolutely kills me that he’s going to the race without me. I have always been his biggest fan. The sound that comes from those cars at that speedway is amazing…and I was always so proud of my husband that he created that. His profession has given me so many unbelievably exciting and special memories with him that I will always cherish. But now, they’re all tainted with such a horrible sadness and regret.

My heart is so broken for him that he has such a messed up list of priorities, and that he has so blinded himself that he wouldn’t know true love if it smacked him upside the head.
So be it.


  1. It is a heart wrencher they don’t put the same sentiment on things you did together, etc. Mine proposed the same day to her that he did to me….now he is building the house we dreamed abut together for her. great

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