Posted by: Tricia | Monday, May 28, 2007

Happy Memorial Day!

Is it just me, or did the French Open start a day earlier than usual? I’ve never known a Grand Slam tennis tournament to start on a Sunday. And I can’t find anything explaining it online, which makes me think it’s just me. If there’s anyone out there reading this that has an explanation or knows of a place where I can read about it, please shoot me a comment…it’s really driving me crazy.

I’m really geeked that the Grand Slam tennis season is here once again. Tennis is such a great distraction for me until football season rolls around. I love watching tennis. I’ve grown up watching tennis. (“Mommy, they’re playing deuce!”) Over the years, I’ve learned all the rules, the scoring, the strategies, the strengths and weaknesses of one particular surface over another. For instance: Americans suck on clay, while anyone from a Spanish/Portuguese-speaking country rules the school. Grass seems to be the universal surface with no major drawbacks, and hardcourt is where Americans shine. I would make such a great chair umpire. I’m not any good at playing the game, but I could definitely referee it.

The French Open is my least favorite tourney. Well, the Australian Open doesn’t thrill me much, because it’s always airing in the middle of the night, and besides, they play it in January or February, don’t they? And I can’t decide if I like Wimbledon or the U.S. Open the most. I love the U.S. Open because the tennis facility is equipped with lights. That means sometimes we get to stay up late, late, late to watch thrilling, incredible, exciting tennis into the wee hours of the morning. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason, that’s when the best tennis always happens.

Oh….come on football season….

The RK just came in the house from spending the night at a friend’s house here in the neighborhood. It was a last minute thing…he had been playing over there for the better part of the afternoon into the evening, and when he’s 45 minutes late from getting home at 6:00 like I asked him to, I get a phone call.

“Mommy, I know I’m already 45 minutes late, but can I stay longer? We’re having so much fun.”

“Sure, sweetie. I’ll see you in a little while.”

So then I get another call around 8:30:

“Mommy, can I please please please please PLEASE spend the night???”

I agree, and ask to speak to his friend’s mom. She says she just doesn’t want to break up the fun they’ve been having, that it’s pefectly all right if he stays, that they have PJ’s and a sleeping bag he can borrow. I express my overwhelmingly heartfelt gratitude, get back on the phone with the RK to give the obligatory spiel about being a nice boy, listening to his friend’s mom, and being polite, saying please and thank you and all that good stuff. Then I wish him a good night, and say I’ll see him in the morning.

So around 9:00 this morning, he comes riding back on his bicycle and is getting ready to flop down on the couch for a nap (I guess he didn’t get a whole lot of sleep while he was over there) when I make him go upstairs to take a shower and brush his teeth. It had already been way too many days since his last shower, and after spending the night without any clean clothes to wear or a toothbrush, I knew he’d feel a lot better if he got this one task over with. So now he’s clean, in clean clothes, minty-fresh breath, asleep on the couch. Sweet baby boy…

That wasn’t even the start of RK’s holiday weekend festivities. Yesterday morning around 10:00, I get a call from the mom of another one of Justin’s friends in the neighborhood, inviting him to go see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie at 10:30. The RK is still asleep, so I go and get him waked up, dressed, teeth & hair brushed, and he gets to go have a great time at the movies with a good friend.

It does my heart so good to see that we’re really making a life for ourselves here and making new, dear friends that live so close. I love this house.

Saturday night we BBQ’ed over at SH’s house, and I contributed some beautiful mouth-watering country-style spare ribs. They ended up being totally yummy. So we sat out in their garage until around midnight talking, drinking and eating, while it rained.

I hate it when it rains on Memorial Day weekend. This is supposed to be the weekend to celebrate the beginning of summer! No rain, please! Today’s forecast is beautiful, though…sunny and mid-70’s. So hopefully we’ll be able to enjoy it to its full potential.

Yesterday was also consumed with me avoiding anything having to do with the Indy 500 like the plague. I couldn’t help but catch the scroll at the bottom of the screen on ESPN2 during tennis coverage, though, and learned that they had to stop the race for rain. I’m thinking, ‘Great. If they get to restart the race, I’ll have that much longer today to try to avoid it.’ Last evening, though, I couldn’t help but read some of the recaps. So I know who won.

While I didn’t really let it slow me down too much, the fact that my husband was at the race without us, by choice, was constantly in the back of my mind. I tried to distract myself as much as possible without letting it get me down. But I am just so sad. And then SH expressed her thought that the least he could’ve done was to take the RK with him for a weekend of father-son bonding.

But this raises another question in my mind: did she go? I mean, he’s made it perfectly clear that I’ve been replaced. He took her to the company Christmas party after I’d been to the previous eight. He’s expressed to me on more than one occasion that if he had things his way, I’d just disappear from the picture and he’d have our kids, her, and her kids. In this house. Whatever. I mean, really…how can he have such non-feelings for me anymore? How did it get to where I mean so little to him when he means so much to me?

And I’m really wondering what’s up with him not really making much of an effort to see his kids. We’ve had this thing worked out where he would come over here on Saturdays and Sunday and spend most of those days over here with the boys. But he hasn’t done that in quite a while. I mean, he has been working his ass off during the month, but still…he seems to be perfectly content not seeing them. He took the RK to a movie last Sunday, but spent very little time with the IB. And he just dropped off the RK without coming in with him for a little while. He hasn’t made any sort of effort to see them at any other time…evenings, or whatever. He really has said that his kids are the #1 priority, yet he demonstrates that they’re not, every single day he leaves work and goes home to his homewrecking whore and her kids. It truly just makes me sick.

I’ve been having the feeling in the back of my mind, though, that his head is starting to build up pressure from the situation he’s put himself in. His way of dealing with anythig negative in the past has been to just skirt around it and ignore it as long as possible. I believe that’s exactly what he’s done by walking out on us. He wasn’t willing to dig down deep and face his issues and his demons head-on to fix this situation. I think it scares the shit out of him, and he’s terrified of having to stare down his multitude of dysfunctions. So his solution is to just trade one set of problems for another. And he’ll wind up in the same position with her that we were in when he first became an adulterer.

But I’m feeling like his life is getting to the point where his demons are getting so big that he’s not going to be able to keep pushing them under the rug for much longer. I think that’s why he hasn’t been making too much of an effort to see his kids. I think the reality of what he’s done is starting to catch up to him, and the guilt is making it to where it’s starting to hurt to see his kids.

Of course, I could be totally wrong. The other side of me thinks he doesn’t have one lick of a conscience, and that his growing absence in the lives of his children is due to him just not caring. I truly have no idea what could possibly going through his heart or his mind….I realize now that all these years we’ve been together, he’s keep them securely locked away from even me.

OK…enough of this. Whoever’s out there, thanks for reading. It does me good to get this stuff out of my head and into print. I hope y’all enjoy your Memorial Day today, and don’t forget to take a moment or two to reflect on what this day is really supposed to be all about.


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