Posted by: Tricia | Saturday, June 9, 2007

So what am I supposed to do now?

My day just got blown out of the water. I had been chatting with my neighbors last night, and started formulating a plan to BBQ tonight. You see, my diabolical plan included inviting The Guy over to hang out with my neighbors and me, making the situation much less intimidating. There’s strength in numbers, ya know. Well, it turns out he’s got yet another wedding to go to tonight, so he wouldn’t be coming. So let’s BBQ anyway. It should be fun. Then I get a call this morning from one of my neighbors, saying they’re just gonna stay home since their niece is gonna be there and they don’t want her to be bored. So scrap the BBQ idea, at least for this weekend.

I woke up this morning planning my whole day around it. And now I don’t know what I’m gonna do today. The RK spent the night at another neighbor’s house, and he’s not home yet. And then he’s supposed to have another neighborhood friend come over to spend the night here tonight. So I’m thinking maybe I’ll go and get some grocery shopping done, perhaps, and maybe a run over to the local Babies R Us to pick up some babyproofing paraphernalia. The IB is just about ready to take off on hands and knees, and I haven’t yet done any babyproofing around the house. My garage could use a good sweeping and straightening-up as well.

And there’s always housework to be done. This frustrates me. I’m starting to realize that it is logistically impossible for me to have a 100% clean house at any given time. There’s just no way I can’t get the whole house clean at the same time. Argh. And thus far, I’m worrying more about my downstairs than my upstairs.

No matter how messy the rest of my house is, I always feel like I’m on top of the task if my kitchen is clean. I know…weird.

The IB is laying on his back right now under his swing, pushing it back and forth with his feet and just cackling and squealing up a storm. It just doesn’t get any more precious than that. I experience the feeling of loving him so much I feel like I’m about to explode many, many times a day. Right now is one of those times. I so wish I could tell him to enjoy these days while he can. With no worries, the most important things for him are getting his tummy filled, getting played with, getting a new diaper from time to time. His life right now is so simple, and he has no choice but to love it and have a great attitude about it. How I wish I could convey to him that it doesn’t get any better than this, and in actuality, really takes a ride downhill. I realize what a beautiful little blank slate I have to work with, and I don’t want to screw up the opportunity I still have with him to instill in him an optimistic love of life, even when things aren’t going so great. And I hope that even though I don’t have his father around to really partner with me in this goal, I can accomplish it on my own.

Come to think of it, it should actually be easier without the IH around. His outlook on life is truly tragic.

This baby has such a beautiful smile. He smiles with his eyes, not just his lips. What a beautiful soul encased in such a sweet little body.

How his father is missing out.
It’s heartbreaking.

The RK just got home! How I miss him when he’s not here at night. I’m so glad to have my firstborn back home with his mom who adores him so.

OK…enough of that. I’m gonna go figure out how to make this day productive. Happy weekending!

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Responses

  1. Ok, see my point? Your child is younger than two and yet you were making all kind of negative statements about why he is the way he is….
    Just something to think about. I’ll shut up now.

  2. Alright…please clarify something for me. Are you referring to my statement “Come to think of it, it should actually be easier without him around. His outlook on life is truly tragic.” I realize how this might have been misunderstood, and I’m going to edit the post right away. I’m not talking about the IB, I’m talking about the IH. It’s his outlook on life that’s so tragic. And I want to prevent the IB from developing the same. That’s what I meant.


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