Posted by: Tricia | Thursday, June 14, 2007

My brain is nothing but a big grey lump of mush

I am so exhausted, I can barely see straight. My back is aching. And my soul is weary.

I started off the day going great guns working around the house. RK’s good friend was over again a little before 8:00, and they got started right away doing what precious little boys do. Playing and discussing video games, roughhousing, making me laugh.

I had all the laundry done by 2:00 PM today. And nowadays that’s a rarity around here. No matter how pathetically lacking my other homemaking skills were during my marriage, one thing I always stayed on top of was the laundry. And now that I’m forced to hone those other skills, the laundry aspect has suffered. I’m the type who likes to get it all done in one day, as opposed to those others of you who can do a load here, a load there. And since I’ve been the sole caretaker of this house, I’ve become notorious for leaving loads in the dryer for days and days. At least that load has been washed and dried…but I still feel kinda bad making the RK have to go find a clean pair of shorts in the dryer. Anyway, I did four loads, and they’ve all been folded and put away.

And while the laundry was off to a running start, I made and cleaned up a horrible mess in the bathroom. Yes, it involved a plunger. And then a mop. Ick.

I got my messy kitchen cleaned up, the fridge restocked with the plethora of choices of beverages I like to keep on hand, and did a good once-over on the IB’s chow chair. And I washed his stroller cover & car seat cover, and got them put back on their respective frames.

So I completed all this about 2:00, and then it hit me. I was done. Cash in my chips. Throw in the towel. The boys were expecting to go to the pool this afternoon, and I begged their forgiveness for backing out on them, and promised them we’d go nice and early tomorrow and spend a good deal of time there.

And the poor IB. I wasn’t a very good mommy to him today. I feel like he was so neglected today while I was getting all this stuff done. I didn’t hardly play with him at all. I put him down for his 10:30 nap, and I don’t think he ever went to sleep. So he sat up in his crib for the better part of two hours all by his little self. I didn’t hear much from him, but it hurts my heart to think he was all alone up there, not sleeping.

I got him out of there around 12:30, and he got a bottle, and then got neglected a little longer while I got the laundry finished up and other stuff around here until my gas tank hit ‘E.’ So around 2:30, I tried once again to put him down for a nap so I could go take the nap I desperately needed. And he slept a good long time, but not without letting me know his disdain for being left in there yet again.

I got a good nap, too, but I’m still a little thickheaded, and I’m sure I will be for the rest of the evening. And that nap came at the disadvantage of RK and his friend. They just vegged out today in front of the XBox and those stupid TV shows on Nick.

The IB just didn’t get the kind of attention today that he deserves. I hope he can forgive me. I hope these days are very few and far between for him. I hope he knows how precious to me he is, and I hope he can sense just how much I truly love and adore him. Oh, that sweet little soul…

Never heard from The Guy last night. Today I haven’t been driving myself crazy over that, because it had only been since the night before that we’d talked. But here it is 9:08 PM, and I’m once again willing my phone to ring.

One of my favorite things about Ann Arbor, MI in the summer starts this weekend. It’s called “Top of the Park,” and they have live music acts, food & drink, and during the week, they show movies after dark. That’s another great first date I thought of…plenty of opportunity to talk, in quite a romantic atmosphere. So now maybe I should figure out how to drop a hint or two without making it look like that’s what I’m doing.

That is, if he calls me again.

OK…that’s all I can think of to talk about now. I’m pooped.

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Responses

  1. Be strong and don’t call him. I’ve been down this road, oh wait, I’m still on it!

    Please don’t beat yourself up over the attention thing, I asked my son the other day if he remembered certain things that I remember and he can’t. They forget practically as soon as it happens, and they will just remember the good stuff, like what a great mom you are!!

  2. Definitely don’t beat yourself up over the attention you feel you didn’t give your youngest, it doesn’t hurt for little bitties to have some alone time to just *be* with themselves. I firmly believe that children should be given that opportunity without the mommy-guilt.

    Wanted to drop by and say “hi!” and thanks again for visiting and commenting on my blog.

  3. Thanks for the encouragement, guys! It does me a world of good.


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