Posted by: Tricia | Monday, June 18, 2007

Can’t wait for this day to end

What a long, slow, agonizing day. Today I fell into one of those funks where I’m very lethargic, very unmotivated. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t want to sit around wasting time, but I don’t have enough motivation to do anything productive, either. The RK and IB fall victim to these states I get in, too. Not only did I not know what to do with myself, but I don’t know what to do with the IB, either. Poor kid…his day was very dull and unstimulating too, and he let me know it. The RK is good at entertaining himself, but I always feel like it’s my responsibility to provide him some sort of stimulation while he’s home all day over the summer. Besides video games and TV. Well, we did get started on his over-the-summer school review packets this morning. I guess that’s something.

I’m a lot more upset over yesterday’s incident with SH than I want to be. My mind just takes off trying to figure out what in the world could’ve caused this to happen. Am I really that hard to tolerate? Am I so imposing in a conversation that I drive everyone crazy? And why is it that I can’t find people that have the strength of character to talk to me about issues they have with me, instead of just walking away all of a sudden without any indication why?

Knowing how she talks about other people to me, I can only imagine what she’s saying about me to other people right now. I just wish she would have the balls to talk to me about this face-to-face. How long is this going to go on? Does this mean the end of yet another friendship in my life? What the hell is wrong with me that I do this to people?

Such a lonely night…

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Responses

  1. A couple of things come to my mind. Maybe SH shared with her husband that she talks to you and he is not wanting her to? I think the main point to think of is you can’t know what she is thinking, or feeling because as you said, she won’t share that.

    I’m willing to bet, the issue that you were discussing at the time is not the real gripe, but there is something else and that just set it off. I have found from experience with numerous of these situations, it is probably not a good idea for you to go after her and try and make it right.

    You sound as if you have a good position on debates, etc. Search your heart for something you may have said or done that made her feel condemned. If you find that there is nothing you can think of, then the best thing you can do is leave her alone, and if she is a true friend, she will come to you and tell you what is up.

    If you go through life trying to make everything right, fix everything etc, you will not be doing anyone any favors. People sometimes just need space to process something, and they will eventually talk to you. Try to distract yourself in the meantime and hope for the best.

    I’m so sorry you are feeling lonely, I know with your situation you really need friends right now! feel free to email me if you want someone to listen

    PS, I have tagged you on my blog

  2. SH & I have talked about very personal stuff pretty much since the beginning of our friendship, and I’m 99.9% sure her hubby realizes that. Many times, when they were driving each other crazy, she’d cut out of there and come over to my place. Surely he realizes she wasn’t coming over here to talk about the weather!

    I have decided to do just what you suggested…to lay low, and wait to see if she tries to rectify this. Given that I really have no hard evidence of what the problem is, only speculations, I’m not in the position to try to fix it.

    I think that our different views on life issues probably has something to do with it. She is a very cynical person, and I’m the eternal optimist, probably to the point of naivete. A couple of weeks ago, when we got into a deep discussion about her marriage and the issues she’s currently facing, it became quite apparent that she & I have very different ideas on what a happy marriage is. I think that might’ve set her off a little, and it’s been building ever since.

    I think one thing I should work on is not being so argumentative when I disagree with something. Pick my battles. Let it go.


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