Posted by: Tricia | Saturday, July 14, 2007

The woes of a divorced mom

I swear I’m the best procrastinator in the world. I should be cleaning. But here I am. Sheesh…I deserve an award or something. Perhaps “Procrastinator Extraordinaire.” That’s me!

So it looks like I might actually get to go out tonight. That other single mom that I’ve mentioned and I have plans to go out tonight. Yeehaw! I get to go out and feel like a grownup. I even bought some new makeup!

I’m missing my babies something fierce. But in a good way, I guess. I need this time. It feels pretty good to not be responsible for them for a while. It’s just me. I can do whatever I want, without having to take anyone else into consideration. But I’m eagerly looking forward to their return tomorrow evening, as well.

I’ve been feeling like the biggest disappointment to the RK lately. He and I just don’t seem to have a lot in common, and we spend most of our time at home in separate rooms doing our own thing. We’ve been doing pretty good getting these summer workbooks in reading and math done. It’s a neat program. You bubble in your answers to each lesson on an answer sheet (“Like standardized tests!” the RK says) and then mail them in to be graded. He’s doing quite well on them, score-wise, because after he’s done the lesson, I check over it and help him correct ones he got wrong before he fills in the bubbles. But sometimes getting him to do these lessons isn’t all that easy. He balks at it. But after some encouragement and help, he eventually gets into it.

I desperately want him to find the love of reading. But he has struggled learning how, and he’s not really reading at grade level. He’s close, though. And we haven’t even made it to the library this summer. I had these grand plans of him signing up for the summer reading program with a high number of books to read for his goal. Nope. Didn’t happen.

I’m wracking my brain trying to think of stuff we can do together, and both enjoy. I think what I’m gonna have to do is just ask him when I have the time, and whatever he says, we’ll do it. No matter how much I don’t like it. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m disappointing him.

I’m so afraid he’s going to start liking it better with his dad, too. Last weekend, they went out to eat at Red Lobster. The RK has been begging me to go out to eat there, and I always say no because it’s so expensive. They go to the pool at the fancy-shmancy health club they belong to. And Lord knows what else. Their father has no concept of how not to spend money, while things around here are pretty tight.

I just always feel like the bad guy. Telling him to clean up, to do his summer lessons, to take a shower, all these things he hates doing. And so often during my marriage, the IH would be doing something with the RK, say, right before bedtime. I’d come in and give them a few minute warning, and after letting whatever number of minutes go by, and then some, I’d come back in to pull the plug on their activity. The IH would say very dejectedly, “OK…Mommy said it’s time to go to bed.” Rather than something like, “Yep, it’s bedtime! Thanks for the reminder, Mommy.” I hope now that the IH and I are living under two different households that this doesn’t start getting worse. I already know that he’s going to be the big spender with the kids, that goes without saying. But I hope he also takes a stand and also makes the RK take care of certain less desirable yet necessary things, like those I mentioned above.

I guess only time will tell. For the time being, though, I need to somehow manage to squash all this guilt I’ve been feeling; to stop letting it come in between my relationship with my kids. There’s still a lot of summer left, and tons of opportunities to make it special. I need to dig up some of my deeply buried creativity!

OK…I’m gonna go clean now.

Heeeeerrrreee I go.

Here

I

go.

OK, now.

Nope,

now.

Shazaam.

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Responses

  1. you remind me of myself in so many ways of thinking. Having a son and being a single mom is very daunting. Since I’m kind of a tomboy, I’ve done ok with the boy and things we do together. I’ve had to play many a video game and legos, but thats ok. And remember, even though you have to be the hard ass, kids know deep down inside that means you love them, and without you, they would be in trouble. Kids need and crave boundaries and rules. It is a known fact that parents who do not set boundaries or have any rules etc, make the child feel out of control, and resentful. Just keep doing what you are doing, mine was 4 when I divorced and he is 11 now, and he still prefers to be with me. All i’ve done is just be me, and keep plugging along.

  2. Thanks, Ba Doozie, for the encouragement. I’m a bit of a tomboy, too, but just don’t get into the video games. At least not the ones the RK plays. And having the IB really throws a kink into the time I can devote to the RK. He’s so understanding about it, though. He loves his baby brother so much…it’s truly wonderful.

  3. […] how the times have changed Remember this? One of my favorite parts: “I’m so afraid [the RK]’s going to start liking it […]


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