Posted by: Tricia | Saturday, September 1, 2007

Finally, I got to publish this post!

I really hate it when I let so, so many days go between blog entries. But this week, I just haven’t felt much like doing anything. My living room floor is completely covered with the CD’s the IB has pulled out of the shelves, as well as tons and tons of expired grocery flyers.

The boys went with their dad last evening. But it almost came crashing down. As you may or may not know, the IX & I had agreed to him having the kids every weekend for the summer once our divorce papers were signed. But for last weekend, he let me know that he was scheduled to work all weekend and wouldn’t be able to take them. OK, fine. So earlier this week, he and I had an email conversation about his plans to take the kids this weekend. Everything was all set. He was even going to keep them an extra night for the holiday. The RK was really excited about that.

And then Thursday, via text messages, this (pay close attention to the time stamps as you go):

IX 10:57 AM: I seriously need to cancel this weekend. After two weeks of no days off, there are too many things I need to take care of on sat. Plus I need the r & r. On sun.

11:03 AM: planning on attending the [Indycar]race [in downtown Detroit]. I can speak to [the RK] about it as well. Please try to keep a good attitude. It will help the kids out. I will simply have them n [Character allotment for texts just ran out, and I didn’t get the rest of the message. I’m guessing it said ‘next weekend.’]

Me 11:13 AM: It’s not my attitude that’s the problem. It’s a shame you want to be a dad when it’s convenient. I could use the r&r as well as time to take care of stuff too.

IX 11:23 AM: fine. I can take them. Sorry to bother you. Forget I said anything.

Me 11:24 AM: oh no, we’re so sorry to bother you!

IX 2:20 PM: will return them early Sunday morning then.

Me 2:22 PM : why can’t you just stick with our agreement? [The RK]’s really excited about the extra day with you.

IX 2:28 PM: want to spend time with them. Problem is I have tickets for the Detroit race. Can you watch them on Sunday? I’ll pick them back up afterwards. Work with me please.

Me 2:30 PM: did you forget about the race earlier this week [when we were emailing], or did you just now get the tix?

IX 2:32 PM: right. Just got them today.

Me 2:34 PM: so you basically are willing to dump on your kids when something better comes up.

IX 2:37 PM: no. I’ll just take them. Won’t go to the race. Thanks for your help.

3:38 PM: Boy, it sure does pay off being honest with you. Thanks for showing me your true colors.

Me 3:46 PM: What colors are they, exactly? Wanting my kids to have at least a halfway decent relationship with their father?

IX 3:52 PM: All I was asking for a little help [sic] on my situation. One more weekend or not even that just a day at minimum. You make it seem like I won’t see them again.

3:55PM: enjoy your weekend. It’s going to be a nice one.

Me 4:00 PM: all I see is you willing to disappoint your kids for your own selfish reasons. We had agreed that you were going to take them, so that means you don’t get to…

4:00 PM: go to the race. End of story…grow up.

IX 4:16PM: Have the utmost confidence in that lessons have learned [sic]. And won’t be repeated. Definitely count on that fact.

Me 4:18 PM: whatever

Oh, this whole thing Thursday sent me into such a tailspin! I was so angry, I was absolutely shaking. It just pisses me off so much to realize how messed up his priorities are.

I can tell by the messages he was sending me that I really pissed him off as well. I mean, I thought the whole thing was settled with my message sent at 11:24. But then three hours later, he starts it all back up again. And then after our next session, once again I thought it was all settled with the 2:37 message. So I can just see him in those in-between times stewing over it.

It’s so interesting to think about how our relationship is changing through all this. During our marriage, he never showed anger towards me, rarely disagreed with me, at least over big things, and just kept everything all bottled up inside, leaving me twisting in the wind wondering what the hell was going on inside his head. I so desperately wanted him to get mad at me sometimes. To let me know that I affected him, even if it was in a bad way. Because in my case, even a bad way was better than my having no effect on him at all, which was my reality.

So I’m finally getting what I wanted from him, now that we’re divorced. I guess it’s better than nothing. I feel that during our marriage, I constantly put his feelings before my own, conceding in so many disagreements, doing what I could to make him happy. Now that he’s no longer my husband, his feelings and his happiness no longer matter to me. My children’s do. They are numero uno on my list of priorities, so hell yeah I tore into the IX and had absolutely no desire to work with him or facilitate his getting to that race.

Ya know, come to think of it, I guess this goes both ways. I’m telling him what I really think, instead of taking his feelings into consideration like I did while we were married. So now he’s letting me see his reactions. Interesting.

So anyway, thinking back on this whole episode, which makes me a little nauseous, to be honest with you, I think about how the whole thing could’ve been avoided if the IX would’ve just acted like the 35-year-old parent he is, and when the race tickets became available, had said, “I’d really love to go, but I have my kids this weekend. Maybe next year.”


I’ve been trying to get this post published since yesterday afternoon, and I finally got the chance to work on it some more! I went through and edited the ‘yesterdays’ to ‘Thursdays,’ etc. And now I think it’s up-to-date.

The reason I never got to publish was that not too long after the boys had taken off with their dad, I get a phone call from single mom friend #2. This past Sunday, I had tried to call her to let her know that I was still ready to honor our agreement made earlier in the summer about letting her son come spend the days of the last week of summer vacation with us like he did the first week of vacation. I didn’t get an answer and left a voice message. And I never heard anything back. So all this week I’ve had the worrisome suspicion that she’s done with me, I’m just too flighty & flaky for her.

So last night, my phone rings, and it’s her, profusely apologizing for not calling me back, that when I had actually called, she was at the ER after hurting her ribs. She hadn’t even found the message until right before she called. So we start gabbing on the phone, including my profusely apologizing to her as well, and after 45 minutes, she finally says, “What are you doing right now?”

I say, “Nothing.” Although I was once again trying to work on my blog post. But really….priorities….

She says, “You just wanna come hang out and have a beer with me in my garage?”

So I dart out the door.

And we have tentatively made plans to go out tonight, if she can find a babysitter for her son. We sincerely need to try to finagle our weekends with our kids so they coincide.

This morning when I woke up, though, I feel like I don’t know if I actually want to go out tonight. I have SO MANY things to get done around the house this weekend, and James Blake to watch tonight at the U.S. Open.

  • My house is such a complete disaster (thanks to my formidable force of destruction, aka the IB), I must get it cleaned up.
  • I must clean the bathrooms. They’re funky. It’s been entirely too long since I’ve cleaned them.
  • I need to mow. It’s been three weeks.
  • I still need to clean out the garage and evict or murder about 5749305589 spiders living in it.
  • I need to take my plastics & cardboard to the recycle bins.

I really, really, really hate letting my list get this long (yes, that’s long for me), but I just don’t know where to start. It overwhelms me. I really need to get over that.

On a happy note….

Do you know what today is?

IT’S THE FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!!!!!

YEEHAW!!!!!

The Longhorns are playing Arkansas St. tonight, which should be a handy rout. I have the possibility of watching it on PPV, but after the last time I tried to watch a Longhorn game on DishNetwork PPV, I vowed never again.

You see, it was a game in the middle of the day, and the PPV PTB allotted exactly three hours for the game. When that three hours was up, the coverage abruptly switched to another game, with most of the 4th quarter in the Longhorn game still left to play.

Now tell me…when was the last time you watched a football game that took three hours or less? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that.

So I get on the phone with the DN people, ranting and raving about how ridiculous it is that we, their customers, would shell out $29.95 for a football game if we couldn’t see the end of it. She said that if I look back through my contract, I’ll find that there’s no guarantee of viewing the entire sporting event purchased.

I’m sorry, but I think that is the absolute WORST policy. Why in the world would we spend that kind of money to watch a football game if we weren’t guaranteed to see the end? That has to be the most asinine thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life!

So anyway, the UT game is tonight at 7:00 PM EDT, with no game scheduled after it. I noticed on the program guide that they allotted 4 1/2 hours for the game, so I think if I decided to drop that big ol’ chunk of change to see the game, I’d more than likely get to see the end.

But I ain’t gonna. For one thing, it’s Arkansas St. For another, I really don’t need to be spending money on something as trivial and unessential as this. And thirdly, it’s the principle of the thing…despite that little incident last year with DishNetwork, I love my service from them. But if that’s their policy regarding PPV sporting events, I ain’t gonna give them any more money than I have to! Take that, DishNetwork!

OK…I guess this post is long enough. I’ve been working on this at the coney island again, and I’ve been sitting here so long, my computer battery is down to 26%. Today I’ve been observing a bunch of people decked out in their Maize & Blue, grabbing a big ol’ breakfast before going to the the U of Michigan game. I’m so geeked that football season is here again!

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Responses

  1. You did the right thing. Parenting isn’t done when it’s convenient.

  2. Thanks for the encouragement. Even though I know I’m fighting the good fight in this, I always have that little voice in the back of my head pestering me, wondering if I’m letting my emotions destroy my perspective.

  3. Well, there’s no doubt that your emotions are paying a big part of it. But even if you step back from that for a second, he made plans with the kids, and he doesn’t see them everyday like you do. That should be his priority. He has 70% of his time to do whatever he wants.

  4. I agree, and in my head, that’s my stance. Even though I doubt anyone could really find fault in me if I were shamelessly taking the low road in my dealings with him, I’m desperately trying not to, as an example to my kids.

    It’s so funny…he’s so worried about me talking bad about him to the kids. But his actions will speak a whole lot louder than my words ever could in that respect. So sad.

    And just for the record, he has 85.714% of his time to do whatever the hell he wants! 🙂

    Thanks again, Jane, for your input. I’m so glad for what few readers I have…I sincerely desire y’all’s objectivity!


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