Posted by: Tricia | Saturday, September 29, 2007

I’ve managed to completely waste this day. I have done absolutely nothing productive. My butt’s been parked on the couch. I have been in this funk today that I just can’t shake.

I miss my boys. I hate where they are. It torments me.

I’m desperately trying to get rid of the anger I’m harboring towards the IX for the way he has catastrophically messed up my life, and the fact that he doesn’t even really seem to care.

I’m just hiding out today. I’m still in the clothes I slept in last night, with no real desire to get cleaned up, even though I know it would make me feel better. I’d love to get out of the house to see and be seen, but not enough to actually do it.

My phone has remained completely inactive today. I realize all my neighbors are new friends, but I just wish there was one out there who would realize that what I need is for them to take the initiative with me. Take that risk…call me up…invite me over…invite me out…whatever. Why is it that all my life, I’ve always had to be the one to make that move? Am I really that invisible? Or is it just that I’ve never really had that kind of person cross my path? And if that’s the case, why? How could I have had that rotten of luck all this time?

And to top it all off, the Longhorns lost today. It doesn’t really surprise me, though…they’ve been touch-and-go all season. Bah.

That’s all.

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Responses

  1. Oh, ouch. Yes, this has been a terrible week and weekend. At least we know now that we both have the same noncustodial weekends. I’d invite you down, but it’s probably a little too far to travel for a vegetable plate and SEC ball.

  2. I’m a believer in ‘home’. I would like to read that you’ve decided to come home to Texas. Just my thoughts at 2:45 a.m! I get kind of melancholy on my sleepless nights.

  3. No matter what the culture tells you, it isn’t always necessary to be “productive”. Sitting around in your jammies all day is a perfectly legitimate thing to do when you are healing.

    And you are.. healing.. from a betrayal. That takes time and I hope you will allow yourself that time. 🙂

    I’ve found that when my life “empties out” ~ few contacts, the phone silent, etc. ~ it is because something is trying to get my attention.. and the only way to get it is to put me temporarily in exile where I’ll be in more of a position to “listen”.

    Peace,

    ~Chani
    http://thailandgal.blogspot.com


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