Posted by: Tricia | Monday, October 8, 2007

One down, and….well, one down.

My initiation back into the dating world has begun. And with this particular guy, has ended.

We had a nice enough time, I really enjoyed having the almost undivided attention of a person of the opposite sex. I shared his attention with his cell phone, but I’d have to say it wasn’t so much that I was irritated by it, or anything. In fact, it worked out that I got to meet some of his friends, who I really enjoyed. I wish I could see them again, but not him.

He wasn’t so much into my mind, I guess is a good way to put it. He was looking for some action. I had a couple of moments of weakness, but maintained my composure. He made it very difficult, though…and I mean that in a physical sense. Yup. Nothing of a criminal nature, but it told me a lot about him. It’s important that I can find someone who will show more interest in my soul before my body. I realize I’ve got my work cut out for me in finding him, but I’m up to the challenge. I’m not going to settle for anything less.

Alrighty then…moving on.

I found another profile of a guy that was right on. So I emailed him and he wrote back, saying he found my profile interesting as well, and asked a couple of questions. I answered them, asked a couple of my own, and threw in a bluntly honest disclaimer about what I’ve been through the last couple of years. I used some very powerful words, and it’s making me think it was a huge mistake to be so candid. Because I haven’t heard back. And I’m worried to death that I scared him off. It wouldn’t be such a big deal, but I really, truly think this could have some legs, and I’m terrified I’ve already made it come crashing down.

So now, dear readers, I hope you’ll offer some advice. I have composed an email trying to backtrack a little bit, but I’m having a fit trying to decide if I should send it. I don’t want to come across as needy or desperate, but if sending it would perhaps smooth over some wrong impression he might’ve gotten, then I don’t want to lose the opportunity. I’m going to post the text of it, and then please don’t be shy…give me some good feedback to help me decide how to proceed. Here we go:

“OK…

I’m a little worried by your lack of a response to my last email that my blunt honesty might’ve freaked you out. If it was my selection of such powerful words, then I definitely didn’t come across as I intended. My perspective on what I’ve been through is that it has been a character-building experience, and that what hasn’t killed me has made me stronger. I would hope you’d put the most emphasis on my use of the words “joy” & “excitement.”

If this is the case, then I’m willing to answer any tougher questions you might have if it could possibly ease your mind. It couldn’t hurt, right? At this point, neither of us has anything to lose. The fact is, your profile rings more bells with me than any other I’ve come across, and I’m concerned I might’ve already blown it.

If I’m off-target and you’re not interested in continuing to get know me for some other particular circumstance of my life, then so be it. I guess it turns out that the potential’s not there after all. If this is indeed the case, just pay me the courtesy of informing me of this, I’ll wish you all the luck in the world, and we’ll move on.

Trish”

His silence is so frustrating. I just wish I knew what he was thinking, and if sending this would help or hurt. I sent my last email to him a little before 7:00 last night, so my plan right now is to give him 24 hours from the time of my last email to respond before I send this one. Perhaps he’s just been busy or sidetracked, and hasn’t had the chance. I just don’t know. If that’s the case, then this note would certainly do more harm than good, I think. But if he is freaked, then perhaps it would be good for me to send it.

Ugh, I guess I’m really bad at this. Thoughts or suggestions? Thanks, y’all.

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Responses

  1. On-line relationships are waaaaay out of my realm so I have no advice to offer you. But I do know of some very successful relationships, developing into marriage that began on E-harmony (or something similar). My best friend met her husband on-line. My husband has a niece that met her husband through an ad in a paper (before on-line)

    Soooo….I WISH YOU THE BEST! I’ll be checking back to see what advice others give you.

  2. Do you really want me to let you have it? You sound like, as my attorney says, that you still have the “stink of divorce” on you. What you’re describing has no place before a first date. He has to EARN the right to know about you. Online dating, I think, forces an intimacy that ordinarily wouldn’t be there. He, and any other man needs to gain your trust before you give away the personal details, however germane you feel they are.

    (that’s what I think, anyway)

  3. Yowtch, Liv! That smarts! But only because you’re probably right. Hopefully I haven’t already messed up something that otherwise could’ve been cool.

    And yet something else to file under the ‘lessons learned’ title.

    Thanks, dear!

  4. I agree with the previous advice, but i really think there was an underlying reason you did it. And I’ve been there…I think you spilled it because you wanted to scare him off if he’s a lightweight. You don’t want to build a rapport with someone who won’t be able to handle who you are right NOW. and who you are right NOW is the woman who spilled the details of what you’ve been through. Sweetie, if a man can’t handle where you are right now you have no business dating him. if he doesn’t respond, don’t explain yourself…you don’t owe him squat!!

  5. amen to Ba Doozie’s comment. And btw, you’ve been tagged!


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