Posted by: Tricia | Tuesday, October 9, 2007

This is just crazy!

OK, I caved. I ended up sending that email. I decided that I was just going to take the risk and send it, instead of perhaps missing an opportunity because of fear and inaction. I got a response. He said that he had read and reread my first email, and could only come to the conclusion that I’m not ready to re-enter the dating world. That he waited three years after his divorce to start dating, and at this point, he has no negative or hard feelings regarding what he went through anymore.

Well, bully for him.

And he might be right. But I think the operative word there is ‘might.’ Why not ask a few questions, gain a little more insight, and take it one step at a time? Who knows, he just ‘might’ be surprised.

One thing I absolutely loved in his response was his last two words: “Your thoughts?” I was happy he was willing to keep the dialog open. So I crafted a response to him, informing him that I have been a stay-at-home mom for the past decade (meaning my life has been pretty much restricted to the confines of my residence), and that my getting on the site is evidence that I’m ready to move on.

I also reiterated from my profile that anything I might find interesting will go slow. I even came up with a great tortoise/hare analogy. The rate of emotional investment I make in another person will be slow and steady. That’s what wins the race, after all, right?

I’ve noticed he’s been spending time on my profile during his….um, ‘time of consideration.’ The fact that he is putting so much thought into this tells me that the initial attraction and interest is mutual. And that’s exciting! I’m still hoping he will want to ask a few more questions, as shallow or as deep as is comfortable for him, but I’ll admit my general level of excitement and hope of potential in this guy is dwindling. If he’s really having to contemplate this so deeply without gaining any new information, perhaps he’s the one with more issues than me. Good grief.

Liv, I really appreciate your perspective, and it definitely has given me something to ponder. But let me be clear that I have not shared any specific details with him about my circumstances, only that I’ve been through a difficult, emotional and life-changing experience.

But Ba Doozer, you got it. I’m not pulling any punches as to who I am, and my past, even though it’s not yet all that distant, has a lot do with that. As it does for anyone. But I think the crucial thing here is the fact that I’m past dwelling on it. I’m being honest about it, but I’m facing towards the future.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just way off base in my philosophies, don’t have an iota of a clue about all this, and am going about it all wrong. I know what I want, and I know how I’m willing to get there. I have so much hope, but at other times, I feel like a naive little girl who’s blindly putting herself into a dangerous position. For me, though, at least in this case, the antonym of ‘naivete’ is ‘cyncism.’ I’m well aware of the fact that the world can be an ugly place, but I have a game plan to protect myself from unnecessarily getting hurt…well, again. At the same time, though, I still know that there are at least a few glimpses of beauty and joy amidst the ugliness. Do I really know how to differentiate between the two? Or is my vision impaired by my eternal optimism and everyone-initially-deserves-the-benefit-of-the-doubt attitude? Perhaps the latter is a little more true at this point, but as time goes on, I know I’ll acquire lots of wisdom and experience.

So now I’m waiting again. But much, much less expectantly. Heh…this should be interesting, if I get anything back at all. And I’m not holding my breath.

On another note…

The IB took his first steps yesterday! It was so awesome. He cut the corner from the outside edge of the playpen over to the loveseat. He probably totaled 4 steps. Yay, IB! I’m having a hard time getting him to try it again, but that’s half the fun. I know he’ll be running all over the place before too long!

OK, I’m now reverting back to the strong, intelligent, self-assured woman from the hormonal little teenage girl this has turned me into. I think I’ll shoot an email at that recruiter I met with a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t heard a peep from her, and that’s not good. Did I mention I’m just about to the point of throwing in the towel and getting a job waiting tables for now, just to get some funds rolling in? Grrr. The house needs plenty of attention as well, just like always. Certainly nothing new there.

OK then….I’m off!



  1. Allow me to smile. I shall say no more.

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