Posted by: Tricia | Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Life is good.

I’m starting to feel normal again. Granted, it’s a different normal now. My days are starting to feel routine, which in this case, is a good thing. I like the security this routine of life brings me. I like knowing that at 5:00, I get to see my boys. I like knowing that around 5:30, I’ll start stressing out over what to make for dinner. I like preparing dinner in my kitchen while the IB runs around playing. He’ll come into the kitchen and see steam rising from something on the stove, or see that the oven’s on, and say,


But in a whisper, not with his voice. That’s the way he’s always said that word.

I like chatting with the RK about his day. I like watching the two of them play and making each other laugh. Yeah, that’s cool.

The IB and I went grocery shopping Monday night. (The RK had to stay at home to read, since he hadn’t done any of his homework during the three hours from the time he got home from school ’til it was time to go to the store. This made him cry. I felt horrible. But the fact is, I would feel even more horrible if he had come along, we all got home around 8:00 PM, and no homework was done yet.) We passed a man in the bread aisle, and all on his own, the IB raises his little hand, and says, “Hi!” The guy said hi back, and we continued on our way. A couple aisles over, in the soup section I believe, we run into the same guy. He grabs a can, and then drops it. The IB witnesses this and says, “Uh oh!” The guy chuckles a little bit, and then states,

“I’m glad he’s not mine.”

My reply:

“I’m so glad he is mine.”

The IB wasn’t even misbehaving yet. He was in his prime of IB cuteness. Either this guy was a kid-hater, or else his statement came out far from how he intended it. I have a suspicion he meant that I ‘have quite a handful there.’ Whatever he meant, I thought I had a pretty great comeback.

I might not have said the same thing back to him if he had made his statement in the freezer section, though. Oy.

I got a phone call from the IX at lunchtime yesterday. I guess things are pretty dire in his world right now, because he was calling to ask me for money. He said they’re in danger of losing their electricity, and even getting evicted. He actually had the nerve to suggest I cash-advance my credit cards.

No way. Huh-uh. Not a chance.

I told him that I’ve busted my ass to establish a secure (relatively speaking) financial situation, and that there’s no way I’m going to jeopardize it all to bail him out of this crisis he’s brought on himself. (Hmmm…seems like I’ve heard this before somewhere else.) Okay, that last part I didn’t say. I think it went more like I wasn’t going to jeopardize it to ‘help him out.’ He agreed with me on that, anyway. I told him that while I just can’t give him a big chunk of money, I would be willing to fill his tank from time to time if he needed gas to get to work, and that if his weekends with the boys were in jeopardy because he can’t afford to buy the extra groceries, that I could send some groceries with the boys on those weekends.

I’ll do whatever I have to to make sure he keeps that job. After all, about half of his paycheck is going straight into my bank account. I can’t go without it.

And as for his weekends with the boys, I’ll step up to help him keep a good relationship with them going.

I know how hard it must’ve been for him to make that call. It took him forever to actually give me any clear idea of what it was he was calling about. (Although after the incident last week, I had a pretty good idea already.) It’s a shame that he’s carrying on the same immature & careless behavior he learned from his mom (whom I’m sure he called, and of course she couldn’t help. In fact, she owes money to him. Us, actually. She’s a piece of work, really. I’d write more about her, but I just don’t really care anymore.)

I actually feel a little sorry for him. I don’t know why, but I do. Don’t get me wrong, though…there’s a huge feeling of vindication in it all, too. Should it go as far as him getting evicted, well…he can just sleep in his car for all I care. I hope it’d be good for him and he might learn something from it. My boys are being well taken care of right here, so they wouldn’t have to suffer any major disadvantage from it. And they’re all I care about.

And then this one question pops up into my head, but I’m not really sure I want to know his answer to it.

“Is she worth it?”

Hearing about his plight is motivating me to work even harder, too. I have to admit, it feels pretty damn good to have this upper hand on him right now. Granted my situation is far from comfortable, but my bills get paid. And it motivates me to keep working towards improving the quality of life for me and the boys.

Oh, but he better not lose his job. And I absolutely hate the fact that I’m still so dependent on him for that. Grr.

I want to go back to school. I want to be qualified for better, higher-paying jobs. I just have no idea how or when I could do that. Perhaps if I can just hang on for three more years until the IB starts school…just hang on ’til then. Heck…maybe even before that. As he grows & matures, he’ll need less and less of my immediate attention to where I could actually take a class or two. (That sounds kinda bad. I hope y’all know what I mean.)

I’m also contemplating doing a big sell-off on the internet of stuff around the house. I have a feeling I could bring in quite a nice little chunk of change if I did.

Today, though, we have a cozy home. Food in our bellies. We have each other. We’re good for now.



  1. Tricia, I admire you. You are a role model and the way people ought to be.

  2. Gosh, aren’t you sweet to say that! Thanks so much for that encouragement. You have no idea how much good it does me to hear.

  3. You’re doing good, girl. I think you’re responding in exactly the right way. You can’t enable that sort of behavior, yet, if the gas keeps the relationship with RK and IB going well, that’s honoring their heritage with their Dad.

    Just a thought…wonder if she knows he’s asking you for money? Oh, to be a fly on that wall. šŸ˜‰

  4. Ok, I can’t stand it. If he can’t fill his tank and see his boys thats his problem. Not yours. I know you are being kind, but you are enabling him to be a big loser.

  5. Actually, my main intent behind agreeing to fill his gas tank is so I can be sure he can still make it to his job…without that child support coming in, I am S.C.R.E.W.E.D.

    As for him and the boys, I said I’d send a few groceries with them if it came down to that causing him to not be able to take them on his weekends. That’s up to him, though…I don’t really care as much as I used to if he bails.

    Either way, though…I’m doing it with the boys in mind, not him.

    I’ve adopted the same philosophy with him that I have with bums on the street…I’ll never give him cash, but I might take him a sandwich or something, ya know?

  6. […] and completely unfounded child support card, and along with all of his own well-documented financial woes as of late, I’d beg to […]

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