I got a text message at work yesterday that created all different kinds of emotional reactions in me.
From the IX. Figures, huh?
He let me know he needs $800 to keep his nice new shiny car from getting repo’ed.
He said he’d call tonight with more details. I texted back:
“No need to call…I don’t have the money. Maybe you can carpool with [one of his bosses who lives nearby]. Or get a POS car for the time being.”
Even if I did have the money, there’s no way in hell I’m giving any of it to him.
My mind started to wander a little bit…what if he loses his job because he can’t get to it? His child support payments are half (yes, half) of my income. There’s no way I could live in this house without them (and I’m cutting it kind of close as it is). I desperately want to stay in this house…it’s a sweet little quiet neighborhood, and I love the sense of security and normalcy it offers my boys. The RK catches the bus every morning with all his buddies, he rides his bike to and from said buddies’ houses to play…
And the IB, too, although it’s not such a big deal at this point. But when we moved in here, my next-door neighbor, my neighbor directly across the street, and I were all pregnant. Their boys are three months older than my little one, but still…they’ll all be in the same grade together when the time comes. I love that.
The best thing about this neighborhood I live in is Halloween. Oodles and oodles of doors to knock on. Rather elaborate Halloween decorations scattered throughout the sub. After living in an apartment for so long (NO trick-or-treating allowed), this rocks.
It’s a wonderful little community, and it’s what those precious boys deserve to grow up in. Not some ghetto apartment because it’s all their single mom, who had no idea how important getting her college degree would really be, can afford.
I utterly, completely, passionately despise the fact that I am still so dependent on that stupid, selfish, immature asshole who had no business procreating in the first place. (But yes…I am SOOOOOO glad he did.)
So now I’m faced with quite the quandary. I’m trying to think ahead a little bit here…the wheels in my head are turning, and I’m brainstorming ways to come up with some other source of income that can change this pathetic situation I’m in. I’d love to be at the point where all of his child support payments could just go right into a savings account for the boys, or something like that. But I don’t want to go out and get another job…it wouldn’t be worth it…part-time at night, having to pay for night-time childcare…um, no.
Much to y’all’s chagrin, I just might put some AdSense on my blog and have at it. I don’t have enough readers at this point, but there’s always ways to boost that with a little effort.
I’m still mulling over the Big Sell-off of all the crap in this house. But that seems like it’ll come to an end once all the crap has been sold off. Right?
I’m just not the Mary Kay, Avon, Pampered Chef, Creative Memories type. Ugh…the thought makes me shudder.
I could teach flute to the little kiddies. But who am I to teach? Again…NO degree. And I wouldn’t even know where to start building my lesson plan. Seems like that would run into quite a bit of start-up money, too…all the method books, etc.
So I turn to you, my dear readers…any thoughts? Suggestions? How can I get myself out from under the thumb of that man?