Posted by: Tricia | Thursday, November 20, 2008

The ramblings of exhaustion

I don’t really have anything in mind to write about tonight. I’m actually quite exhausted. I was on a bit of a self-imposed emotional roller coaster today, freaking out about money. Or lack thereof. I’m trying to talk myself into not looking very far into the future…for now, we’re OK. For now, that’s all that matters.

I caved and got us Wendy’s for dinner tonight. And the guilt about spending the $12.06 is killing me.

I’m starting to realize the job I’m at is the epitome of dead end. My boss treats us all like we’re idiots, and pays us as such. She doesn’t take the time to stop and listen to what we’re saying, and often creates her own version of whatever it is we’re coming to her with. She’s much more concerned with bigger money-making aspects of the business, and has a hard time giving our department the time and attention it deserves. I often wonder what would happen if we went on strike…how she would feel about us and the job we do for the drivel she pays us.

I definitely want better for my family. I don’t think I’ll ever get to a place in this company where I’ll be able to better our lives. $12/hr. doesn’t exactly cut it.

And to A, the 24-year-old little primadonna who thinks she’s got all the answers: ‘equal pay for equal work’ is NOT fair to the single mom with two kids, a house her husband bought with her and then walked away from, and who continuously feels like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. I damn well deserve to get paid more than you, even if I’m doing the same job as you. You can’t even begin to comprehend the responsibilities I have, and to say I don’t deserve to get paid more than you is BULL. SHIT.

Oh, and I’m getting so sick and tired of listening to my coworkers bitch and moan about my other coworkers and the lousy job they’re doing! I wonder what they’re saying about me when I’m not around. Drama drama drama.

I really can’t think of anything else even halfway worth talking about, so I think I’ll call it a night and go send my brain into shutdown. Sigh…

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Responses

  1. I’m sorry, I have to agree with the “primadonna” here. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and I am totally on your side. But if we are doing the same exact job, we should be paid equally. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it is.

    My brother and I were raised by a single mother with all of the same issues that you are dealing with, and she never got paid more than 10 dollars an hour. So she started taking classes, and even though it took a long time, she got her degree and a higher paying job.

  2. Fair enough. I guess what I’m going for more or less is that none of us get paid enough. When raise time comes around each year, our boss thinks she’s a hero for giving us 50¢/hr. more.

    And just this morning, it was discovered (by me included) that I’ve been getting commission for the revenue exchange paperwork I process. Out of the entire $60 I received in commission last month, about $15 of it was from these exchanges.

    And I come to learn that my boss has been wondering why I’m getting “so much” commission.

    I have a feeling that extra little bit is about to be taken away from me.

    I just want to get paid so I can make a living. So I can pay my bills. And yes, so I don’t have to give up my home and move into some little dumper apartment. (The mortgage notwithstanding, its upkeep is killing me, too…a big part of me wants to get out. But I love what it offers my boys…a solid, friendly, safe, consistent neighborhood, where they belong. We’ve been through so much these last few years, and this I desperately want them to have.)

    I want somebody…anybody…to just cut me one little break that might in some way lighten this burden.

    Is that really so much to ask? Perhaps it is. And I can accept that. But that’s really how I’m feeling right now.

    As for going to school, getting a degree to get a better job, etc. etc., I’d love nothing more. But I feel like I’m already running on fumes as it is. I just can’t even imagine finding time and/or energy to add anything more to my life the way it is right now. I’m desperately hoping that somehow changes in the future.

  3. I stumbled across your blog the other night, and wanted to say “hey,” from a fellow Michigander. I am in Macomb County….where are you?

  4. Tricia…I haven’t forgotten you. I’ve been reading your posts and have anguished with you. I haven’t commented because I have no practical advice to give you. My reactions are entirely maternal and I just want to say…Tricia, just pack those two precious boys up and come home. But you know what you have to do. Take care, Sweetie…

  5. Hi Wendy! I’m just outside of Ann Arbor way out here in Washtenaw County. Thanks for stopping by! Are you on iheart?

    In_spired — No worries, my dear. I haven’t been commenting all that much over at your place, either (although I always read!). I’m just getting this all out of my system…putting it in writing helps me gain a fresh perspective, and comments from readers are just an added bonus, anyway. It really is amazing how just turning these emotions and thoughts into concrete words helps me regroup.

    Nothing would make me happier to just take off back down south! But I don’t know if the IX would be so enthusiastic. And he’s got the court on his side.

  6. Girl…chin up. You’re doing well, and kicking butt. And if they’re talking about you, they’re giving someone else a break!

    I know you’re tired. Next weekend 1X takes the boys, take some time for yourself, really…and recharge.

    Degree or no, those that are faithful will get their due reward. Wait and see – and don’t lose faith. God has your back…and your pocketbook!

  7. $12 an hour is scarily inadequate. 😦

    Great venting! Hang in there. Your kids probably don’t much care what you can buy for them. I was raised by an impoverished single mom and I’m so glad of that. She set such an amazing example; it would not have been possible for her to do that if she’d had enough money. Your kids are getting benefits above & beyond financial perks, due to you handling single parenthood without enough money. Kudos to you!

  8. […] from work sometime around March/April. A raise should also be coming around that same time, although I’m not expecting it to be anything mind-blowing or life-altering. But I’ll take whatever bit of slack I can […]


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