I just haven’t felt like blogging very much lately. I’m so busy around here, and so exhausted…I just don’t have the energy right now to write. I feel horrible about it, but I’m just in the mindset right now that there are bigger fish to fry at the moment. Please bear with me…I’m sure I’ll be back in the saddle again soon.

Given my latest infrequency of fresh posts, please subscribe to my feed so you’ll know if I post something new.

Thanks again to all of you…I’ll be back soon.

The past week has been such a blur I’ve been so busy. And then exhausted. And then busy again. My sleep quota hasn’t been met in quite a while, and I’m sincerely looking forward to having some time off this weekend from mommyhood to catch up.

So whatever it was I was going to write about for my part II I’ve forgotten. I do remember I was going to comment on the incredible, thrilling, nail-biting Fiesta Bowl that My Boys (not ‘my boys’ as in my offspring) played against Ohio State in. That game was just about as exciting as the game against Texas Tech, with a definitely much better result. 24-21! Yeah! Hook ’em!

I’m not a big New Year’s resolution person, but this year, I have the mindset of making sure 2009 is much different than 2008. I’m not resolving to do anything that specific; just that I’m going to be in a very different place one year from now. I’m not going to let myself wallow in the misery and self-pity I inflict on myself for what little progress I make in my self-betterment. Progress is the name of the game. I’m learning how to let go of those things that aren’t worthy of the stress and anxiety I let consume me, and I’m starting to understand that I’ve become a pro at making mountains out of molehills. I have learned to let go of the idea that I can have my house entirely clean at any given moment, but I’m still steadily working to get my house to a higher level of everyday cleanliness and organization. I’m also embracing the fact that this will start to fix itself somewhat as the IB matures as well.

I have some serious digging out to do. For probably the first year after the IX moved out, I did nothing. I did just enough to make sure my boys were taken care of, and that was all the energy I could muster for so many days on end. Now that I’m functioning at a much higher level physically and mentally, I’ve got some making up for lost time to do. I have lots of ‘de-IX-ing’ to do in this house. His shit’s got to go. Plus there’s always the general cleaning out and organizing to do.

Fresh start. Everday is a fresh start for me. Slow and steady wins the race. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You get the point.

I’m also hellbent on slappin’ some color up on these walls. Sometime this year. This place looks so barren and sterile right now. It needs a few touches of Trish.

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Facebook is an amazing thing. I’m in awe of the contacts I’ve reestablished. It’s so cool how I have a list of 78 friends (at the moment) from every era of my life. Childhood, high school, college, my neighbors, my coworkers, a few I only know over the internet…

…and then there’s my fluting friends. Before moving out to Ann Arbor, I played in a flute choir for five years or so. I have reconnected with quite a few of those people (one being my totally awesome gay friend that I rang in the New Year with), and another who just happens to be the section leader of the flute section in my local community band. That rehearses at the high school right down the road. I friended her on FB, sent her a message that I was ready, and…

…tonight I went to my first rehearsal! And it was AWESOME! I am totally in my element sitting in a concert band. I love getting out my new, beautiful and very expensive professional-grade flute and feeling the metal gradually warm in my fingers as my breath flows through it. And I love contributing to the creation of beautiful, soul-touching music. I love working in unison towards that goal. I love being a part of such a team where each member has the same goal. It rocks. And I did it tonight. And I’m going to keep doing it, no matter what it takes.

While I was off feeding my soul, one of my co-workers who is a mere 22 years of age and used to be a nanny came and stayed with the boys for me. She’s relatively new at work, and this is her first job. She grew up across the state, and this is her first venture out into the real world and away from her family. She talks about how lonely she gets (although her boyfriend made the move with her…he’s in med school at UM), and how this whole real-world experience can be quite scary. I fed her a home-cooked meal which she said she hadn’t had in so long, and she expressed to me how good it felt to be in a home. The IB threw his usual fit at bedtime, apparently even calling, “Mommy! Mommy!”, but he eventually went to sleep and all was well. I told N not to feel bad about that, that he calls out for Daddy or the RK whenever I’m not going along with his every little desire. Little stinker.

I found out that the RK ended up heading upstairs to do homework and read his book. WHHAA? He got ready for bed all on his own, and even though he had my permission to stay up until I got home around 9:30, I found him all snuggled up in his bed, sound asleep. N filled me in on what a big help he was with the RK, helping to settle him down for the night, etc. Those boys amaze me. It overwhelms me to see how blessed I am. I am one incredibly lucky mama.

Today ended up being a great day. It was a big milestone for my ‘resolution’ for this year. I’m on my way.

I promise I won’t let my blog be so neglected again. The first half of my day was decidedly less fantastic, thanks to that IX of mine. He pulled a doozy, for sure. I’ll spill all the gory details next time.

So I made it through another one. And it’s back to normal, boring, no-more-excuse-to-celebrate life. And I’m perfectly fine with that. So now for a basic recap of my holiday:

• A very underwhelming Christmas. Santa brought some stupid target game thing and a board game called “Beat the Parents” for the RK, either of which he hasn’t even opened yet. I know he will eventually, and they’ll probably be a ton of fun, but still…no jumping for joy, no “Just what I wanted!”. Then again, he’s never been a real overly-exhuberant one. The IB got a Magna Doodle, which was a homerun. The only thing, though, is that the little triangle piece is missing its magnet. MagnaDoodle is apparently made by OhioArt (makers of the rockin’ Etch-A-Sketch), but when I go to OhioArt’s website, there’s no sign of MagnaDoodle. I made sure to write down the Consumer Services number before I threw the box out, though. Here’s hoping they can just pop a triangle with magnet into a little envelope, slap a label on it, and drop it in the mail just like I do for loupe-parts at work. Kinda weird, though…if you google “Magna Doodle” or any variation thereof, the only things that pop up are sites that sell it. Even the Wikipedia site is extremely small and uninformative. The IX got the RK a Star Wars game for his Wii that he’s been having a ball with, as well as a new Star Wars Legos set which he put together in about as much time as it takes me just to get the damn box open. Amongst all the stupid little stuff the boys got at their dad’s, I found a gift card from the homewrecker’s dad and stepmom. It was signed, “Merry Christmas [RK] and [IB]! From Grandpa M and Grandma R”. They live far away, and met the RK when we were all still friends and all went to Missouri together on vacation, and I don’t even think they’ve seen him since, or met the IB. So that card went right in the trash. Not a single soul in this house will ever give it a second thought.
• Never did bake the cookies or make the fudge with the RK like I had wanted to. But I’m proclaiming right here and now that holiday baking and fudge-making can legally be carried over into the first days of the New Year so we can get it done this weekend. And to all of you whose resolution was to start losing weight…well, you’re screwed. Just give it up now, and go bake something with us.
• I’ve finally fallen victim to the obsession that is Facebook. I distracted myself with getting it set up over Thanksgiving, and have already amassed a pretty good group of friends since then. Some who have friended me I didn’t even think would remember me, and…well, amazingly, I found my oldest friend on there. She and I met when we could still be considered toddlers, and we grew up into pre-teens together. Same private school, same dance classes, sleepovers, trips down to the lake, and page after page of pictures of the two of us doing all these things in my mom’s photo albums back in Texas. We went our separate ways towards the end of elementary school and as we went to different junior high schools. Until now. We’ve been sending novel-worthy emails back and forth getting caught up with everything that’s happened in the last 20 years, and I’ve spilled my sordid story to her in nauseating detail. In fact, I even let her in on this very secret of mine. She will be known on here as Miss Thang, because as it turns out, she got her PhD! I’m so proud! Miss Thang, I love ya, girl.

  I’ve been emailing with so many others from my past through Facebook, too. It is a dangerous, debilitating addiction, and frankly, I’m expecting to see A&E do episodes of “Intervention” on it very soon. With pale, fat addicts who wear Depends so they don’t have to get up to use the bathroom and can type 100wpm as the intervention-ee, and all the family members — crying, blubbering, reading their letters about what Facebook has destroyed in their codependent lives, begging their loved one to head to one of the Facebook rehabs out in the sticks where there is absolutely no internet service available, and no signal for their iPhone or Blackberry…

  …only to learn at the end of the show that once they completed the program and came back to civilization, the relapse was swift and immediate.

• Santa brought me a slow cooker for Christmas, which I broke in yesterday with a beef stew. I learned my first lesson when I came home for lunch to check on it, by discovering that you can’t fill that thing to the top. I had the beginnings (luckily) of quite a mess to clean up, and when it was all said and done, I had to clean out the heating unit with a scrubby-thing to get all the burnt crap out of it. I LOVED the stew, but the boys….not so much. The RK didn’t like that I had put tomatoes and celery in it, nor did he like the from-scratch cornbread I made. The IB just drank a little of the broth, and that was about it. It’s pretty much all he could get into his spoon, anyway. So next time, the RK and I agreed that I’ll make biscuits instead of cornbread, I’ll leave the tomatoes out, and he can pick the celery out.
• New Year’s Eve. Finagled my way out of having the kids (quite by accident, actually), and found myself partying, dancing, and drinking with a bunch of gay men. It was FABULOUS. I got to see an old friend I haven’t seen since before the shit hit the fan in my life, and meet his incredible friends as well. Finally. And it was hilarious to watch them go crazy over the DJ playing “Material Girl.” I told my friend that when the time comes that I have a little extra spending money, I’m totally going “Queer Eye” on him and taking him shopping with me. Best New Year’s I’ve had in a quite a while.

So that’s gonna be it for now. Turns out I’ve had enough going on to warrant breaking it up over two posts! WOW! I’ve got some extra-meaty post ideas rattling around the gray matter, too…stay tuned!

Thankfully the holidays are over now, and normal life can begin once again. I’m still truckin’ along, but just haven’t had the time or the opportunity to sit down in front of this blank screen and spill it all out on here. I have all kinds of blog-fodder rolling around in my head, though. Be patient with me…once things settle back into their normal rhythm (which should be a matter of days…maybe even hours at this point), I’ll be back to blathering all about it right here.

I sincerely appreciate all your comments and emails…every one! You are all fabulous! Hang tight with me, OK?

Our bi-annual (or is it semi-annual? Which one means twice a year?) sales meeting at work is coming up not this weekend, but the next. It’s when all the sales reps from all over the company come in to powwow for a couple of days about our products, receive continuing education & training, etc. I talked about it some here. This one’s a little scaled-down, though…only the newer and ‘struggling’ reps are going to participate in some additional training to help them increase the sales for the company. Still…almost all of my favorite ones will be here. After hours, there’s always lots of socializing and drinking that goes on, and I’m right in my element. I LOVE these guys. I’ve always had such a blast for the short time they’re here.

So I asked the IX if he could keep the boys next weekend, and the reply I get is that normally he could, but…

…wait for it…

…he’s going to be in Florida.

I’m so glad to see he’s come out of his financial problems so quickly an smoothly that he can actually take a vacation.

Of course, I can’t speculate…I have no idea what the trip is for. But it’s Florida. In January.

I wanna go to Florida in January!

Yes, it absolutely kills me that even after the despicable things he’s done and continues to do, he gets to go to Florida. While I’m continuing to flip out and stress over making sure our bills gets paid.

I really do wish he’d just eat shit and die.

Just a quick note to let everyone know I never did respond to the text. Janie, CreoleinDC, Lindy, and Deb were all right…no response is the most infuriating.

Although I love what some of you said! I even got one idea by email of just saying “fuck off” and leaving it at that. So tempting, but certainly wouldn’t help the ongoing situation any. I did, however, send him a text one time when he was being especially frustrating (it was early in our separation and right after I had filed for divorce) that said, “Why can’t you just eat shit and die?” I still chuckle over that one.

As for this most recent text, I came up with the idea all on my own of responding with: “Sorry…I ran out of duct tape that day.”

But, I just let it go. Another note about this, though…when I received the text, the RK asked me who it was from. I read it to him, and even he made the comment that it sounded like the homewrecker wrote it. A smart one, that kid is.

OK…I’m writing this at work, so I better sign off for now and do what I’m getting paid for! Have a fabulous day!

Just received on my phone from the IX:

“I just watched the stair sledding video. Why do you let [the IB] scream like that? It’s bad behavior and he needs to be taught not to act like that. I try to teach him when I have him but he goes right back to it.”

First of all, the IX SO did not write this. Had to be her.

How should I respond? Give me something good. Not snotty, but not defensive, either. Just something kinda smart with a hint of the painful truth in it. I think some sort of response is needed, but it has to be just right so as to not give him any ammo against me, but that still reminds him of how he is NOT Father of the Year and is in no place to be advising me on how to parent our kids.

Proceed…

Tonight my heart is with all my fellow single parents who, like me, are not in a loud, boisterous, houseful of friends and family, or even having a nice quiet, peaceful, contemplative evening with their beloveds. So, so many of my fellow single parent bloggers have been having such a rough go of the holiday season this year, and frankly, I feel much less alone knowing that I’m not the only one who has been having such difficulty finding the Christmas Spirit.

I’m happy to report, however, that I finally found it. And just in the nick of time! Today has been a busy, cheery, productive day, that started with me finishing decorating the tree. The RK and I got the tree put together a couple of nights ago, and then last night we were going to deck it out. But…Mom had the bright idea of putting in the movie “Pearl Harbor,” and because she LOVES that movie SOOOOO much, her attention was 100% undivided to it. I did get the lights & the ribbon strung around the tree, and when the RK finally went to bed well after midnight (because that’s just the kind of mom I am during the holidays), I had thought I would hang the ornaments as well. Yeah…NOT happening. My butt fell right into my cozy beddy-bye, too. So I got up this morning and the ornaments were hung. Then it was off to Meijer! Christmas shopping! My mom graciously sent us close to $200 in the mail this week, so I dropped the IB off at the babysitter’s (who just as graciously offered to watch him for me a while this morning), and headed out to fill a cart with all sorts of goodies. I spent probably 2 hours in the store, and came out with a few Christmas presents for my boys (and a Crock-Pot for me! YAY!), and groceries to boot. Gotta cook something special up for Christmas dinner, ya know. It’s gonna be ham, fresh green beans, and a Stouffer’s mac & cheese (the RK requested mac & cheese, but I refuse to eat anything out of a blue box on Christmas!), and brown & serve rolls.

Came home, got the groceries unpacked (the presents were hiding under a blanket in the back of the car, and I informed the RK that this time he would not be helping me unload), made some homemade Chex Mix (because to me, it wouldn’t be Christmas without it!), did laundry, and then…

…went to shovel off my driveway the thick, slushy mess that used to be snow. The temperature was 40º and it was raining today.

Excuse me?

It’s not supposed to rain on Christmas! WTF? My next-door neighbor came out and helped me…and thank God for that. I couldn’t have done it all on my own. And my biceps are barkin’ even as I type this right now.

We’ve had an ungodly amount of snow over the last few days. There are literally MOUNTAINS bordering my driveway where the snow has been shoveled (or snowblowed…thanks to my other neighbor) and piled. Last Friday we were working on a skeleton crew because so many people couldn’t get in to work. (Living only two miles away, I had no excuse. DAMMIT!)

So here I sit, with the lights down low, my biceps aching, Christmas tree twinkling ever-so-peacefully, and a wine glass of egg nog with a shot of Captain Morgan’s in it. YUM! My boys are off with their dad until noon tomorrow, and I’m about to turn into a present-wrapping fool in a little bit. Not only do I have the things that I bought today to wrap, but also the very large box of stuff from the classmate of the IB’s babysitter who so generously ‘adopted’ us!

To all those whose Christmas has been made difficult and stressful by this wild weather we’re having, blessings to you. May you find an unexpected peace and joy in your trying circumstances, and here’s wishing you a quick and safe resolution to your travel woes!

To all those city/county/state workers across the northern half of the nation who work 16-hour shifts doing everything in their power to keep our roads safe and clean when the wicked winter weather is so effortlessly making them dangerous, blessings to you as well. Thank you. All we do is bitch and moan about how it always takes so long to get to ‘our street’, but you guys are doing the best you can with what limited resources are provided you. Peace to your households, renewal in your spirit, and joy to you and those you hold most dear.

To my readers:

Thank you so much for reading! My heart overflows with gratitude for sticking with me, and for offering your thoughts, advice, and especially your encouragement in my comments section. Most of you are merely nameless faceless ticks on a statcounter, but I love you all dearly. I wish you a blessed, peace-filled holiday!

And finally, to all my single parent brothers and sisters:

My heart is with you. I am with you in spirit. Peace and comfort to you…

…and a big ol’ glass of egg nog with a healthy shot of spiced rum!

Cheers!

Janie over at Sounding Forth took part in an interview of sorts..and of her own free will! She answered some great questions posed by one of her readers, and then asked for volunteers (suckers?) that might like to be interviewed by her. I decided to throw my hat in the ring. Eh…it couldn’t be all that bad, right? You be the judge:

1. You’ve been through a lot in the last couple of years. Where do you get your strength?

   I think when it comes down to it, it comes from that love I have for my boys that is unique between a mother and her children. But that alone certainly isn’t enough. I have a very strong faith in a loving, nurturing, just God who I believe wants the best for me. I view this dark time of my life as a learning experience. He’s teaching me things right now that I wouldn’t have otherwise learned.

   I had never been through anything truly horrible in my life…things had been going quite smoothly for me up to that point. A few years ago when I was really active in a local mega-church up here, I took the “Contagious Christianity” class, which was about how to share the good news of Jesus to others in a way that wasn’t put-offish, and that normal, everyday people might be more receptive to. One of the tactics this class taught was to use your own life experiences, especially the darkest times, as a testimonial to show how Jesus had guided you out of it. As I was doing the exercises, I realized that my darkest times weren’t really all that dark. I had never known any heartbreaking tragedy, or felt completely lost and helpless.

   But it was on its way. I guess I view my entrance into single motherhood as a rite of passage…everyone goes through something where they come out a completely different person on the other side. I think that’s what this is for me. God’s growing me right now.

2. I’ve been reading your blog since it’s inception, I think. You’re pretty forgiving, it seems. What are your thoughts on forgiveness, and what has shaped that?

   Yes, you have been around since the infancy of The Silver Lining! I hold a very special place for you, dear Janie…you’ve been right there with me this whole time.

   Oh, I am a forgiving person in general, but I in no way, shape, or form have forgiven the IX. I’m working on it. I still hold a lot of bitterness and blame towards him for what I’m going through right now, and really the only person that it’s hurting is me. As for the day-to-day crap that he pulls, I just pick my battles. I’ll fight tooth and nail with him for the wellbeing of the boys, but if it’s anything beyond that, I let it go. My life has had enough drama in it these last three years; I certainly don’t want to create anymore than I absolutely have to.

   In general, I’m so ready to forgive if there is sincere remorse. People screw up; we’re human. We all have to learn lessons somehow, and due to our human nature, we usually pick the hard way that so often hurts those that we love. If you have the general intelligence to recognize what you did was wrong, you learn a lesson from it and change your ways, then I will forgive you. Once.

3. What do you read?

   Right now, not much of anything that has more words than pictures. I love to read, and have been known to knock out an entire 400 page book in a single weekend. I just don’t have the luxury of time for that right now.

   Favorite reads in the last couple of years include both of Khaled Hosseini’s bestsellers The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns, James Patterson’s Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas, and just about anything by Luanne Rice. I love fiction…I love plots that keep me turning pages. But I’ve also read plenty of non-fiction that has done just the same thing.

   I’m addicted to MSNBC.com for news, and I get really excited anytime a new post from my favorite blogs pops up in my RSS reader. I spend entirely too much time on the computer!

4. I know that music moves you – what’s your favorite type, and artist?

   Oh, I go through general phases with what kind of music I’m listening to. I was raised on country, and will always hold a special place in my heart for the likes of Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, The Gatlin Brothers, Charley Pride, Conway Twitty, etc.

   Right now my favorites are Marc Broussard (still coming off of seeing him live) & Los Lonely Boys. Others that are getting some play time on my iPod are 3 Doors Down, Ray Lamontagne, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, Rascal Flatts, Norah Jones, Led Zeppelin, Keith Urban, John Mayer, White Stripes, Red Hot Chili Peppers, etc.

   I can’t fail to mention that I do have quite a passion for classical music. I don’t really listen to it in my everyday life, though. I’d rather be playing it. I’ve had the privilege to play some of the greatest works out there…Beethoven’s 5th, The Barber of Seville, Shostakovich’s 5th, Scheherezade, and so many others. Right now if I listen to it, it just makes me sad.

5. What do you do to help others?

   Not as much as I should. Right now I’m more or less on the receiving end. I’m not exactly seeking out opportunities to volunteer my time or anything, but I’m always keeping my eyes peeled for those smaller opportunities that present themselves throughout the day. I love holding doors open for people with their arms full, or reaching something on a high shelf for a shopper in a wheelchair at the grocery store. It may not be much, but I love it if I can do even something small to make someone’s day a little better or easier.

6. And – you know this one had to be in there – why did you start blogging?

   I actually began blogging right when my marriage was on its last legs, and I didn’t know it yet. I could feel there was something seriously wrong between me and the IX, but every effort on my part to break through to him was failing. I needed an outlet, so I turned to an online journal. Maybe I’ll post the link on here sometime. I need to mull that one over first.

   As I was dealing with the infidelity, moving into a new house, and being pregnant all at the same time, I had to let my blog go. Besides, I had let certain people know about it, and that came back to bite me in the ass. So when I got around to where I felt compelled to start another, I made a commitment to myself to keep it a secret from everyone I ever might want to blog about.

   This blog was created mostly for me to have someone to talk to. Sorta. I love having someone to share my thoughts with, especially when something fires me up. And since my ex moved out, I haven’t really had anyone to do that with. So here I am!

7. What do you think were the events, things, people that shaped your wickedly sweet sense of humor?

   I think that’s where the Texan in me shines through the most. I love how Texans generally don’t take anything too seriously, and are always looking to make a laugh out of something that actually sucks. In fact, one of my favorite jokes about my divorce comes from the movie “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” I like to joke about how my husband “done R-U-N-N-O-F-T.”

   I watch way too much TV, too. Sitcoms are one of my favorite genres, and I’ve gleaned little bits here and there that amused me and tuck them away for future use of my own. Friends has got to be my favorite show of all time, and I think I’ve got a little bit of each of the characters in me. Even Joey.

   Basically, anything that makes me laugh, I try to turn it around and add my own unique flavor to make others laugh.

   Plagiarism? Quite possibly.

8. Aren’t little boys grand? Please elaborate…

   Oh my…they’re so sweet, yet so rough and tough, too! They’re violently crashing cars and trucks on the floor one minute, and then snuggling on your lap the next. I never get upset about getting stopped at a train crossing if at least one of my boys is with me. Especially if we make it right before the train arrives and we get to hear it blow its whistle as it barrels through the intersection. Or one time last summer when we were at the local park right in the middle of our little town. A Harley came thundering through the quiet community, and the IB just roared with it! Now how can that sweet, tiny, precious little thing enjoy something so noisy (and some would argue) offensive? He’s a BOY, that’s how!

   I was never a girly-girl. I hated playing with Barbies. I’d tell my mom to say I couldn’t come if a birthday party I was invited to was a dress-up or princess party. So the fact that I have boys is right up my alley!

9. And last, but not least…what are the things you’re most grateful for?

   Well, with the temperature in the single digits right now (and that doesn’t include wind chill), I’m SO thankful for this warm house. I’m grateful that my helpless little baby has warm jammies to sleep in in a warm crib. I’m grateful that we’re safe. I’m grateful that I can give both my babies a feeling of security. I’m SO grateful for my job! I’m still amazed that I have it. And I’m grateful I’ve been staying healthy to keep this family truckin’ along.

So there you have it. Janie, sorry it took me so long. But I know you know why. Thanks for taking the time to give such great questions! That actually wasn’t so bad.

Anyone else wanna play out there? I promise to be gentle. Sorta.

Today I answered a call from a customer of ours who’s from Wasilla, AK. I asked him if he can see Russia from his house.